A few days ago, a famished orange stray cat jumped into our front patio, perhaps trying to escape this summer’s record-high heat not only in Los Angeles, but throughout the country. A neighbor cautioned us that this was a wild feral cat who would have nothing to do with us, not even meow. He was positive. He knew it was a feral cat and not just another neighborhood stray, he said, because of the tipped ear.
Being lifelong dog people, we had never heard that. My wife soon googled the so-called “tipping” of feral cats. It was an identifying practice often done on the left ear of feral cats, we learned. But on Prince — my wife, who took a liking to him, named the cat the moment she saw him — it was his right ear that was clipped, not his left.
When Prince came to be fed the second day, my wife was surprised that he was unusually friendly and rubbed up against her legs, hardly what a feral cat would do.
Prince also meowed.
A few days later, at an outdoor campaign rally in suburban Pittsburgh, a young would-be assassin fired off bullets that left the Republican presidential nominee bloodied and a spectator dead. Moments later, Donald Trump could be seen by a national television audience rising from the near-assassination, visibly angry and waving a defiant fist even as he continued to bleed from his right ear, which the sniper’s bullet had clipped.
And just when you thought American politics couldn’t get any more bizarre, the country now finds itself on the verge of inaugurating President Donald J. Trump once again, this time with a rather unique physical trait: a clipped ear.
No, this isn’t some new fashion statement or a nod to his days as a reality TV star. This is the result of the near-assassination attempt that left Trump with an ear clipped in a way reminiscent of how veterinarians mark feral cats. And if you thought the Oval Office had seen it all, wait until you hear about the new “Ear-Clipped Presidency.”
In a scene straight out of a political thriller (or perhaps a dark comedy), Donald Trump narrowly escaped an assassination attempt that left him with a slightly less symmetrical visage. As the bullet grazed his ear, it took with it a small chunk, resulting in an inadvertent resemblance to the clipped ears of spayed or neutered feral cats. Of course, in true Trump fashion, he immediately took to Twitter (or X, as it’s now known) to reassure his followers: “Feeling GREAT! Just a little ear trim, nothing serious. Many people are saying it’s the best ear clip they’ve ever seen. #MAGA”
For those unfamiliar with the practice, veterinarians often clip the ears of feral cats as a way to identify them as having been spayed or neutered. It’s a humane practice meant to control the feline population. But now, this veterinary method has found an unlikely parallel in the highest office of the land.
The public reaction was swift and, as you might expect, utterly ridiculous. Late-night comedians had a field day. “Well, it looks like Trump is finally taking steps to control the feral population in Washington,” quipped one. Social media exploded with memes depicting Trump as various breeds of ear-clipped cats, from majestic Maine Coons to scrappy alley cats. The hashtag #FeralTrump trended for days.
Never one to shy away from the spotlight, Trump decided to embrace his new look. At a rally in Texas, he proudly displayed his clipped ear, much to the delight of his supporters. It reminded some Texans of their beloved Lyndon B. Johnson, who once slid down his trousers in public to show off an appendectomy scar. “They tried to take me down, but all they did was give me a new look,” Trump boasted. “And I think it’s a great look, don’t you? The best look!”
In a move that left even his closest advisors scratching their heads, Trump announced the launch of a new initiative: The Feral America Program. “We’re going to take care of our people just like we take care of our cats,” he declared. “Everyone gets a fair shot, and nobody gets left behind. And if you see someone with a clipped ear, you know they’re part of the program!”
Of course, this should be no surprise about Trump loving cats. He’s been called a closet Cat Lady. He has an estimated 56 cats — 24 living at Mar-A-Lago, 16 at his Bedminster Golf Club, and 10 in his Trump Tower penthouse in New York.
Details of the Feral America Program are still sketchy, but it appears to be a blend of healthcare reform, welfare assistance, and a bizarre new fashion trend. Trump promises free ear clipping for all Americans who wish to show their support for his administration. “It’s a symbol of resilience,” he explained. “If I can survive an assassination attempt with just a little ear trim, imagine what we can all achieve together!”
The program also includes free spaying and neutering for pets (and maybe a few members of Congress), an initiative that has surprisingly garnered bipartisan support. “It’s about time we addressed the feral problem in Washington,” said one Senator. “If a few clipped ears can bring us together, so be it.”
International reactions have been equally entertaining. World leaders have expressed confusion, amusement, and, in some cases, concern. The British Prime Minister joked, “We always knew Trump had nine lives.” Meanwhile, the Kremlin released a statement suggesting that “perhaps now President Trump will be more sympathetic to the stray cats of Moscow.”
In a bold move, Trump has proposed a new diplomatic strategy he calls “Paws Across the Pacific.” The initiative involves sending spayed and neutered cats to various countries as goodwill ambassadors. “Cats are independent, strong, and resilient,” he explained. “Just like America. And just like me with my new ear clip!”
As Trump prepares to take office with his new ear clip, the nation and the world watch with bated breath. Will this be the dawn of a new era of unity and compassion, or just another chapter in the absurd saga of American politics?
One thing is certain: the Ear-Clipped Presidency of Donald Trump will be remembered as one of the most unique periods in political history. Historians will debate the significance of the clipped ear, while future presidents may or may not follow suit. For now, we can all sit back, enjoy the show, and perhaps adopt a cat or two along the way.
In the end, Donald Trump’s ear clip may prove to be a powerful symbol of resilience and adaptability. Or it may just be another odd footnote in the wild ride of his political career. Either way, it’s a reminder that in the unpredictable world of American politics, anything can happen — even a billionaire president with an ear clipped like a feral cat.
TONY CASTRO, the former award-winning Los Angeles columnist and author, is a writer-at-large and the national political writer for LAMonthly. org. He can be reached at tony@tonycastro.com.
(Image Credit: Jef Taylor at www.instagram.com/trumpfakes/)
